There comes a time.....

There comes a time in your life when you finally get it. When in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out ~ ENOUGH!Enough fighting, crying, and struggling to hold on. Like a child quieting down after a blind tantrum, your sobs begin to subside, you shudder once or twice, you blink back your tears, and through a mantle of wet lashes you begin to look at the world through new eyes.This is your awakening.

You realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon.You come to terms with the fact that he is not Prince Charming and you are not Cinderella.You realize in the real world there aren't always fairy tale endings (or beginnings for that matter), and that any guarantee of "happily ever after" must begin with you; and in the process, a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.You awaken to the fact that you're not perfect, that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are, and that's okay.(They're entitled to their own views and opinions.) And you learn the importance of loving and championing yourself; and in the process a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you (or didn't do for you) and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and that not everyone will always be there for you; and that it's not always about you. So, you learn to stand on your own, and to take care of yourself and in the process, a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You realize that much of the way you view yourself and the world around you is as a result of all the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into your psyche.You begin to sift through all that you've been fed about how you should behave, how you should look, and how much you should weigh; what you should wear and where you should shop, and what you should drive; how and where you should live, and what you should do for a living; who you should sleep with, who you should marry, and what you should expect of a marriage; the importance of having and raising children, or what you owe your parents.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And you begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with; and in the process you learn to go with your instincts.You learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and contributing; and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility, and the importance of setting boundaries, and learning to say NO.

You learn that the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at the stake. Then you learn about love. Romantic love and the familial love. How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away. You learn not to project your needs or your feelings onto a relationship.

You learn that you will not be more beautiful, more intelligent, more lovable or important because of the man or woman on your arm or the child that bears your name.You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be.You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes.You learn that just as people grow and change, so it is with love and you learn that you don't have the right to demand love on your terms just to make you happy. And, you learn that alone does not mean lonely.

And you look in the mirror and come to terms with the fact that you will never be a size 5 or a perfect 10, and you stop trying to compete with the image inside your head and agonizing over how you "stack up."You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring your needs. You learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. And that it is your right to want things and to ask for the things that you want and that sometimes it is necessary to make demands.

You come to the realization that you deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and respect; and you won't settle for less. And, you allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes you to glorify you with his/her touch and in the process you internalize the meaning of self-respect.And you learn that your body really is your temple, and you begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water and taking more time to exercise. You learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.

So you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.You learn that for the most part, in life you get what you believe you deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance.You also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn that the only thing you must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time. FEAR itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on your terms. And you learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve; and that sometimes-bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, you learn not to personalize things.

You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening.And you learn to deal with evil in its most primal state ~ the ego. You learn negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of you, and poison the universe that surrounds you. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself; and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never settle for less than your heart's desire.

And you hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind. And you make it a point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility. Finally, with courage in your heart and with Spirit by your side you take a stand; you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life that you want to live as best as you can.

I am now...

A Pure Romance Consultant!!!! I promise I will do a better blog about it in a few days with all the info:)
I ordered my kit today and will have it by Tuesday and already has my first party booked for the 10th eeeek!!

Baby update or should I say lack of update....

As all of you know I have been on Clomid for the last 8 going on 9 months. Well it seems that each month my eggs look better and better!!
I called in to get the Clomid filled and the Dr had his nurse call me and tell me that this would be my last refill if I didn't get pregnant this time around I have to go in and talk to the Doc. This is kinda bad news... I know what everyone's thinking why doesn't he just up the dose for me.....with me only having one ovary if they up the dose there is a chance that it may shutdown completely!!!! That's not chance I'm willing to take!
So I started the Clomid today so hopefully this last time will take because I don't think we are willing to take extreme measures to have a baby. It's not fair to either of us, I can't stand being crushed every month and Otis can't take seeing me go through it every time it doesn't work. So instead of the end of the summer being our "deadline" it looks like this is it unless the doc can figure something else out.
I think I'm just going to go take a baby.......

Jacob's early birthday present!!!

As I have said before Jacob loves mustangs every time we talk about Ft. Worth he gets to talking about how he can't wait until September so we can go back and watch the Mustang Makeover!

I've been thinking about doing the EMM but haven't really got to talk to anyone who's been there and done that or even been around a "wild" mustang lol. Otis and I talked about it and the BLM does a internet adoption every few months. Some of these horses are babies up to horses that are older like 5-9 years of age. They also have some that have been at prisons that are set up to help gentle the mustangs and get them riding so they have a better chance of adoption. (Plus I think it helps the inmates deal with some issues they may have!) After 2 weeks of bidding on two different ones we won the wining bid at the last minute on one!!!! Talk about nerve racking.

He is a estimated 3 year old bay gelding that was captured on August 27, 2007 from the Divide Basin in Wyoming. He's going to be a small horse which is perfect for Jacob but at the same time he'll be able to hold Jacob when he's older. He's been in training since August of last year in the prison. The BLM will ship him to Pauls Valley around the 13th of April so in about 2 weeks we will go to pick him up!!!! We haven't told Jacob that we got him were going to surprise him when we pull up at the thing in Pauls Valley. Don't worry I'll post pictures of the whole pick up adventure and of his BLM tattoo. Here is a few pictures of the horse with no name:)

Thanks to my XM radio....

Thanks to me, Ford, XM Radio, and the Playboy XM Station, we have today's topic of discussion..."sexomnia" and yes, apparently, this is an ACTUAL condition... Sassy*(name has been changed to protect certain people lol) and I have joked about it, and then today, while driving down the road, she heard them discussing it which led me to of course, google it, here's what I found! lmao We've all had the nights where we were too tired to have sex before going to sleep, to only be awoken a while or a few hours later by our partner, but is it possible to initiate, or participate in this and NOT remember? hmmm??Understanding SexsomniaEveryone has heard of the sleepwalker, the sleep eater and the sleep talker. However, there is another sleep disorder that people are less likely to discuss: sexsomnia.What is Sexsomnia?Sexsomnia, also called sex sleep, was first identified in 1996 and is a classified sleep disorder characterized as a non-rapid-eye-movement (N-REM) parasomnia. (A parasomnia is a disorder characterized by partial arousals during sleep or during transitions between wake and sleep.)People who experience sexsomnia engage in sex while sleeping, though they have no memory of their actions once they wake up. The intensity of this sleep sex varies, with some sexsomnia victims merely moaning and groping, and others engaging in sexual activity either with themselves or with another person in the bed. On the extreme end of the scale are those who become violent and dangerous while performing sexual acts.Specific causes of the disorder are unknown, but some scientists believe that there is a genetic component involved with sexsomnia. Research also suggests that sleep sex is caused by a genuine sleep disorder combined with other emotional problems.Who Suffers from Sexsomnia?Researchers believe that sexsomnia affects between one-tenth to one percent of the population, although this estimate might not be accurate, since so many people are too ashamed to seek help. At the present time, it is believed that mostly adult men suffer from the disorder. (Two-thirds of reported cases are males.)Effects of SexsomniaIt is important to seek medical help for this condition, as a sufferer may experience many negative emotions, including:angerconfusiondenialfearfrustrationguiltrepulsionshame.These negative emotions often lead to tremendous stress.Clearly, relationships are put to the test when couples have to deal with this awkward and sometimes dangerous problem. Also, many sexsomnia sufferers are concerned about legal issues, as sexual advances occurring during sleep can be unwanted and violent.Sexsomnia TreatmentTreatment for sexsomnia may combine medication, therapy and lifestyle changes. Triggers, such as stress and alcohol, should be avoided. Lifestyle changes, to help reduce stress and anxiety, may also be incorporated into a personal program to best fit an individual's specific needs. Additionally, doctors may prescribe the drug clonazepam, which has been effective for some individuals suffering from this parasomnia.Sexsomnia is a chronic condition, and, therefore, treatment is essential. Seeking help can increase awareness and understanding and can help both individuals and couples deal with this disorder in a constructive and understanding way.

If you love candles your gonna love this!!!

I love candles and I have found a new "candle" that I thought everyone would like to hear about.
Now how many times have you forgot to blow a candle out before you leave the house and your roomie, husband, kids, etc have found it before you and were like "Holy cow you could've burned down the house!!!" or you just bought a new candle but can't lite it until your company leaves because you don't want their little one to try to blow it out and get burned? Your going to love Scentsy Candles!!


Scentsy Candles are a "wickless " candle. This means there is no flame to burn down your house, your kids or pets. Each burner has an on/off switch and a small watt light bulb that heats up the warmer dish that holds the wax. There are a tons of different scents and burners to fit every ones likes! They have the big burners and they also have plug-in burners that can work as a nitelite as well as making your home smell oh so good;)(I don't remember what watt bulb it is I want to say 10 or 18).


The plug-in's hold 1 but the burners can hold as many as you want to put in there.

Once you figure out what scent(s) and burner you like and you have burned your scent for a while and want to try your other scents out simply melt the wax that is in your burner, pour back into the wax holder(it will form little blocks for easy reuse once it's cooled off) take a paper towel and wipe the inside of the burner dish and then drop in however many blocks you want to burn. There is no mixing of the scents because you have wiped down the holder! Its that simple.

The website you can go vist to find a sales person in your area is scentsy.com I would check it out!!

I'm thinking a woman should let her man know what she wants...

After talking to several of my friends for the last week or so it has come to my attention that each and every relationship they are in with a man is different. Some are married for a few years, some are newly married, some are single with an "old reliable" to count on, some are dating, some are becoming life-time girlfriends in front of my eyes.
I hear my married friends talk about how it seems that their relationship isn't what it used to be when they first got with their boyfriend turned husband. It seems almost as if these couples have gotten so comfy with one another that they forgot the most important thing, just being there for one another. I also hear this from my friends that are becoming life-time girlfriends.
Ladies we are not getting married to pick up where our husband's mother's left off at! We are committing our lives to these men to love them and make a life with them. They in turn should not forget to tell us every once in a while that we are beautiful and surprise us the way they did when our love was just blooming. I'm not saying that they need to come in and thank us for everything we've done that day, day in and day out.
I have a friend that just got married about 2 months ago and her main gripe is that now they are married her man has starting treating her like she is his caregiver not his partner in life! Marriage is a two way street and it takes commitment from both of you. All it takes to make it work is to start with communication. If you feel this way you need to talk to him about it- not in a way that makes it seem as if it's a " this is how I tell you all the way's you been fucking up lately" conversation!!
I think that men need to understand that as women we wear many hats depending on our situation in life; wife, mother, friend, confidant, lover and many more. A man needs to learn to be more open with what's running through his mind-we are not mind readers nor do we want to be!! Any relationship needs to have time where you can just be a couple. Do things with only each other, no kids, no in-laws. And more importantly take time to ask how our day is and just treat us with respect and love.

Are you ready for a roadtrip.........

This is the text message I get from my husband on Thursday afternoon. This is very odd for him to say roadtrip. Now let me explain where and why he wanted to roadtrip....

Ever since we have been going to the Mustang events my husband and Jacob have wanted to adopt one and bring it home to the small zoo I'm starting to have! Which I was fine with because it's a goood thing and the mustangs have proven to be just as trainable and usable for any thing you want to do with them. Well Otis had found on the web a site where they had some listed that were going to be avaiable for adoption but you would have to bid on them instead of paying the flat fee of $125.00. So he found some on this site that we thought would workout to be a horse that Jacob could call his own. One was black and one was a reddish brown color. Otis called the ranch they were being held at and talked to the guy for over an hour. He was told that if we showed up before the 14th of March when the acution was to start we could have either of them for the $125.00!!

We talked it over for all of 5 minutes and deceided to go ahead and drive up there the fuel wasn't going to be that bad plus it would be a mini vacay as well.

So this brings me to this. We started out on time leaving the house at 6am and making it to Kansas in about 5 hours which is very good time. Along the way we saw some pretty country! We even saw a working windfarm, which I think is going to be a big part of our world's future energy resourse.

We made it to Colorado. I didn't get to see any mountains :(
What I did get to see was a nasty trailer park and a small ghetto town. A few moments after all of that wonderful sight we came up on our exit. We took the exit and Otis whips into the parking lot of this decent motel. I asked what are you doing and he said well there's smoke I gotta find out where it's coming from, people as soon as that truck stoped I jumped out I'm not about to burn in a truck in a parking lot that is not how I want it to end!!!!!

So he crawls underneath the truck and transmission fluid is GUSHING everywhere. So after a few choice words from my normally quiet clam husband we cross the highway go somemore fluid and a flashlight that will only last 10 hours then we can trash it and go back to the truck. Well needless to say it comes out. The parts store is already closed at this time. (Right now we are an hour ahead of home) So we check into the motel we are parked in. It's a chinese motel very nice people. The only places to eat is McDonald's or the chinese restraunt....Otis HATES chinese but being the loving man he is he says let's eat at the motel. I got a beef dish and he got a pork dish. His plate tasted so nasty I couldn't even finish my bite so I nicely spit it out in my napkin. I told him to try some of my beef it was decent. He took a bite and chewed it a few time and then SPIT it onto his plate!! I busted out laughing spitting fried rice EVERYWHERE people are staring at us I'm crying I'm laughing so hard and so needless to say I paid $17.80 for some nasty ass food and we ended up at Mickey D's.

We are not going to get to go to Wyoming to pick up the horse we are going to have to take the chance to win him online but if we do they will ship him to Pauls Valley and we'll only have a 2 hour drive to get him. We will go to the parts store in the am and get some transmission stop to stop the leek and limp it to my dad's in Kansas which will prolly take 6 hours instead of 3 because we will have to stop so the truck doesn't get to hot tomorrow. Spend the night with my pops and then gimp it back to Tejas. If we need to stop somewhere in Oklahoma I have enough friends and family to have a safe place to get help instead of bfe Colorado lol. So I should be home on Sunday instead of Saturday which kinda sucks but this is my crazy life :)

To Mustang or not to Mustang that is the question......

Well as everyone knows I love horses! I love the smell, the movement, the everyday challenge they bring I love it all!!!Last September Otis and I went to a thing in Ft. Worth called The Extreme Mustang Makeover and was BLOWN away. What is was is there were 200 trainers that were chosen and then they each got a wild mustang, that's right a WILD MUSTANG!! These horses were captured and brought to a holding place. The trainer's each had 100 days to tame these beautiful animals. There was also 100 yearlings that were given to 100 trainers to gentle them and get them used to human contact. The horses were all about the same age, color and size. After the display of how far the horses had came in 100 days they were offered for adoption. You had to be approved first before you could even bid on these animals. (I'll blog about the later)

They had a nighttime preformance that only 10 trainers could compete in. If you had never been around horses and saw this you would think NO WAY did this horse only have 100 days of work! I mean I've been around horses my whole life and still was watching this in awe. These horses were being ridden thru rings of fire, some without saddles, some without bridles, jumping, spinning, sliding stops and some were even shot off of (black powder no bullets). One girl Wylene Wilson rode her's with NOTHING and even had him lay down and do some really neat things.

We took Jacob and Natalie to see a similar thing in January and it was just as neat to watch. After talking to several trainers and hearing what they went thru with these horses, Otis turned to me and said you need to do this! You would rock!! So I have been thinking of getting a yearling and going to The Extreme Mustang Makeover in September and seeing how I do and if I do well and don't cry to much then maybe getting one and breaking it to ride.

(These are some pictures from January)